LESSON: Leaders need to be honest with themselves that great adversity takes a toll on their physical and mental health, as well as the soul, and that repair time will be necessary. Fortunately, great leaders are normally not the types who wallow in this misery but that have great strength and experience to rebound from failure, lick their wounds, and charge forward. We simply need to acknowledge this serious step in the process.
The below lesson is an excerpt from my recently released Amazon #1 Best Seller, When Not If: A CEO's Guide to Overcoming Adversity, Forbes Books, 2024.
My name was finally called to go home early from prison for COVID release, just as Joy Talley had told me it would be the second name called on a Friday.
As stated earlier, It was not lost on me that the miracle of this opportunity was available to me only because I had fought for over four years, pro se, and won a federal lawsuit against the BOP to be moved from terrible FCI Fort Dix to this minimum-security camp.
My risk profile, based on my age, convictions, education, participation in prison programs, and clean disciplinary record, was the lowest possible. I let everyone know I was on the way home, Ashleigh prepared to come rescue me, and I tried not to lose my mind in anticipation.
But with the Bureau of Prisons, nothing comes at face value. I was, then, notified I was off the list to go home! There was confusion with the requirements across the BOP, and now I did not qualify. I told everyone the devastating news and took my place back on my metal bunk. I couldn’t believe the despair and disappointment I continually caused my family.
The Twilight Zone is about the only way I could describe these flirtations with freedom against the daunting future of seven more years in prison. Also, I knew in my heart that if I could function outside the constraints of prison, have access to the internet and records, I could succeed in the upcoming evidentiary hearings I had been granted by the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.
I would, finally, correct my case for good, restore my family and stakeholders, and begin to repair so much damage caused by all my mistakes.
Then Attorney General Bill Barr read the Bureau of Prisons the riot act. On March 26, 2020, the attorney general directed Michael Carvajal, the director of the Bureau of Prisons, to speed up the process of granting qualified inmates home confinement.
“Prioritize the use of your various statutory authorities to grant home confinement for inmates seeking transfer in connection with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic,” Barr wrote in his directive. I was back on the list!
Soon it was the long-awaited day. Ashleigh picked me up at the front gate in a scene out of The Blues Brothers movie, where Elwood Blues picks up his brother, Jake, at Joliet Prison. I had left my coffee mug on the ground as we drove off. I was still in confinement mode, and I actually demanded we go back to get it.
“Are you insane?” Ashleigh screamed. Little did she know how accurate the question was at the moment. But I just couldn’t leave the coffee mug behind. It was, literally, my only possession left in the world, and I could not lightly let it go. Now picture Tom Hanks losing Wilson in Castaway. It would take some months for me to begin to deinstitutionalize.
Ashleigh turned around, I picked up my lone possession, and then we were off. Ashleigh best describes those days of me exhibiting a somewhat unbelievable, positive demeanor in the sunlight, as I had trained myself, but by nightfall, my optimism and good cheer would be replaced by nightmares and futile battles with phantom opponents.
To be honest, it still is. I still fight these demons most nights. Punches in the air. Screaming at unknown assailants. I then banish myself to the 3rd floor to allow Ashleigh and Carleigh some restful sleep. I’ll keep working on it…
Order Amazon #1 Best Seller When Not If (Hardback, Kindle, Audio): https://www.amazon.com/When-Not-If-Overcoming-Adversity/dp/B0CKWTYSFF/r and on Audible https://www.audible.com/pd/B0D2LQ6QNC and Chirp When Not If by John Kador & Jeff Martinovich - Audiobook (chirpbooks.com).
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